Bad Spelling...what more can I say?

1st time... sho me - 19 (downtown / civic / van ness)

"Wassup people a young college student looking to have a good time. Ima coo person and open to anything. If u want to kno more hit my line, and so I know if ur spam or not in the subject write 'lala' and send a pic if not I will not respond.and please no fake picz. Thanks. "

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I got such a headache while reading this ad... Ow.

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She said: A young college student.

But: How the hell did she get through high school with grammar and spelling like that?

She said: Ima coo person.

But: A 'coo' person?? What the shit?

She said: If u want to kno more hit my line...

But: What could I possibly stand to learn from someone who couldn't spell her way out of the third grade?

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Look, I admit that I have issues with the English language. But that lead me to the discovery of one of my best friends: A spell checker. I use it on a regular basis, whether or not I'm writing something important.

But one would think that if you were serious about finding someone, then the ad that you post could mean the difference between a creeper and a lover. This ad is just a creeper magnet. It says "I have no education so I want to find someone to take care of me because I'm an immature brat!"

PUSSY POWER - 34 (In your panties)

BBW here! Fine as hell, you will not be disappointed. Looking for FWB and NOTHING more. Must be DISCREET! No pillow princess wanted! Must be mature! Picture for picture----NO COUPLES-MEN-DISEASES

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I am all for feminine power, but this is insane. Definitely would not work with our previous entry.

Since I'm tired and my tolerence for stupidity has run out, let's just look at the problems here and be done with it.

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She says: Must be DISCREET!
But: Discreet means NOT SHOUTING. THIS IS NOT DISCREET.
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She says: Must be mature!
But: How is shouting and posting a picture of your pussy where anyone can look at it mature?
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She says: I'm in your panties.
But: She's not. And she sure as hell isn't going to be.

Stupid immature bitch.

SANE, huh?

Looking for a GREAT time? - 35 (Bklyn)

Hello Sexxxy Ladies, Im going to get right to the point. Im on here looking for a sexxy femme that loves having a good time and a good time only, i.e. pleasing and being pleased, rubbing/grinding pu**ies (scissor position) sucking nipples, toys and whatever else might please us. Me: D&D Free, drama free, non-smoker, social drinker, very sexxual/oral, SANE, gainfully employed, SANE, laid back, down to earth, love to laugh and have fun. You: Should be ALL OF THE ABOVE, NO EXCEPTIONS. Only serious reply, please. I have attached photo and you should do the same in the first reply, if not you will be deleted immediately. ABSOLUTELY NO MEN, NO MEN, NO MEN, NO COUPLES!!!!!! A

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Meet A, from NYC.

She's substance free (I think), drama free (other than frequent use of all caps), and looking for a woman. Oh, and she's SANE.

She's so SANE, she has to say it twice.

She's so SANE, she has listed all of the requirements for a lover.

She's also so SANE, that she posted 2 pussy pictures.

Now, I don't know about you ladies out there, but I have no interest in going after a vagina that the entire world can see. I'm also completely frightening of that manicure - it would puncture something down there!

Also, what the hell does 'gainfully employed' mean? In this day in age, I would take someone who worked down at the local Dairy Queen for $3 per day. As long as they didn't intend to stay there for 30 years, of course.

Listen A, you ought to change tactics if you want some A. If you don't, you're just going to get a lot of B.S.

Tootsie Pop

CAN I TASTE? I WILL GIVE U A TONGUE LASHING!!!

I love the sweet taste of a thick sista. This is for the sexy curvy ladies. I am determined to find some sexy bi or bi curious thick sexy curvy ladies in the College Park - Univ of MD area (don't worry, not a student there) for hot, steamy, erotic times. I can host. I am a sexy bi blk 31 y.o. professional female looking for other bi or bi-curious ladies, 21-31, no one over 35 please to meet up over dinner, drinks and have some hot sexy fun. This time I am determined to find me a sweet tight lollipop to lick and suck until she melts in the center. There has to be a sexy, hot, erotic, freaky bi or bi curious lady in the PG County area or close by that is mobile and can get to me quickly. You must want to be tasted as badly as I want to taste. I am always willing to treat, wine and dine that sexy thick lady that wants to be treated like the queen that she is. Please be open minded and ready to relax whether you are 420 Friendly (which I am) and/or cocktail friendly (which I am.) I am great at deep tissue hot oil massages among other things and would love to make that special lady tingle and shiver all over!!! The thought of putting my hot wet tongue in a soft hot and wet pussy turns me on!!! If you have been curious about letting a women lick, suck and kiss all over your body, let's explore together. Let's give in to our pleasures and desires. If you are curious and the thought of having your tender, hard, sore, throbbing nipples licked, softly bitten, sucked hard/soft by a sexy woman turns you on, don't wait any longer. If u are throbbing in between your legs with thought of having it licked, sucked and eaten, don't waste another minute. You must just be shaven, clean, drug and disease free, sexy and ready to be licked to an orgasmic frenzy. I can't wait for the moment behind closed doors when I can explore all over your sexy body with my tongue, mouth and hands. Let me lick honey, anything else you desire from off of your body, from every dangerous curve, from front to back, from your pussy to your ass, especially OFF OF your hard, tender, throbbing, sore nipples that are aching for my touch. YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!!! ONLY RESPOND IF YOU WANT TO BE TASTED AS BAD AS I WANT TO TASTE!!! NO MEN!!! MEN I WILL POST UR PIC IN THE M4M SECTION!!!I AM ONLY INTERESTED IN THE LADIES!!! THIS IS JUST FOR THE LADIES!! ALSO NO STUDS!!! NO COUPLES!!! NO THREESOMES UNLESS ALL FEMALES!!! NO DRAMA!! I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU AND UR MAN!! LADIES ONLY!!! ONLY BI OR BI CURIOUS LADIES NEED APPLY!! IF YOU WANT TO BE WORSHIPPED, SPOILED AND TREATED LIKE THE QUEEN YOU ARE, CONTACT ME!!! YOU MUST SEND A PIC WITH YOUR RESPONSE. YOU MUST BE MOBILE AND ABLE TO TRAVEL TO ME!!! NO GAME PLAYING OR LONG DRAWN OUT EMAIL GAMES!! THERE ARE TOO MANY FEMALES THAT WASTE TIME PLAYING GAMES ON CRAIGLIST. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, SKIP THIS AD IF YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT MEETING!!! I KNOW WHAT I WANT LADIES AND GAME PLAYING ISN’T IT. Must voice verify and send photos to receive photos. Any race welcome just be serious and sexy!! I am 5"9 and 170 lbs, light skinned, hazel brown eyes and reddish brown hair, tight and toned, 38D-28-38, brick house stacked. I work out at least 4x a week so I appreciate the same; absolutely no one over a size 16. I love the sexy thick ladies but be size 16 and under only!!! Race is unimportant, just be sexy. Discretion is an absolute must!!! Let's give in to our pleasures and desires. If you have been curious about having your hard, tender, throbbing nipples softly bitten, sucked and licked hard/soft by a sexy woman, just do it. Don't wait any longer. If u are throbbing in between your legs with thought of having it licked, sucked and eaten, don't waste another minute. All bi/bi-curious thick hot pillow princesses that dream about being taken advantage of by another sexy female while being licked and eaten. How many licks does it take to get to the center? Sit on my face and find out!!! Then sit on and ride my strap!!! Get at me ladies!! Can’t wait to hear from you!!!

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Ladies, meet this fine sista. She loves treating women like lollipops and making them drive x number of miles before they can become said sticks with balls of melted sugar.

And don't worry, she doesn't like drama, as exemplified by her use of all caps and exclamation points.

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Dear sista, I don't mean to say anything, but things like GRAMMAR are better ways to a woman's heart, especially if she is the goddess that you say we are.

And clearly, you don't like all goddesses. You're fine with giving some to an Athena, but what about Venus of Willendorf? She's considered a goddess as well. Will you discriminate between goddesses, sista? Really?

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Ten bucks she ends up laying back and making her 'goddesses' do all the work.

Pie Face

Bicurious and looking for a femme girl - 21
okay ive never used craigslist before so im hoping to have some luck with this. im 21 years old and very curious to know what its like to be with a girl. Friends with benefits would be nice, but if your not looking for friends then thats fine too. I have a boyfriend so im not lookin for a relationship, would love if he could join, but if not girl on girl is fine with me. Email me if your interested and i will send more pics. THIS IS DISCREET and NO MEN!

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This ad had a pic attached to it, but it has since been removed. It was of a messy room and a young woman who looked like she had had a run in with a pie.

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Ladies, some tips if you're going to attempt to cheat on your significant other:

1. Be discreet about it. Don't post it on one of the most public websites imaginable.

2. Don't post a picture of yourself that looks like you just had a run in with Chuckles the Clown.

3. The room in which you take your ad picture needs to be totally clean and free of anything creepy, dirty, or incriminating. In other words, laundry needs to be put away, the bed made, and the army of vaccuums needs to be in a closet.

Actually, that's pretty standard for both men and women.

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Now, let's look at some of the content in her ad:

"I have a boyfriend...would love if he could join."

"NO MEN!"

Make up you damn mind. You either want to try pussy or you want to stick with dick. Choose one.
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And is sex with your boy toy so bad that is makes you want to seek out women? Yeesh.

Honestly, looking at that ad makes my vagina drier than the Sahara desert. Why should I bother with someone who's clearly not all that interested in the feelings of other women?

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Let's hope that if someone answers this ad, they hand her a dildo when they meet her.